Friday, November 19, 2010

Hipster (Anti)Nation 1.0



The Cutter
 
The Madison

As I sat on the davenport tonight relaxing after a long, hard day of work, I reached out and grabbed the nearest periodical for a quick read before dinner.  That reading material just happened to be Kristina's latest issue of Women's Health Magazine.  After flipping through a couple of pages, my fingers stopped on a section entitled "2010 Holiday Hot List - For Sister".  I stopped, not because I needed a gift idea for my sister Anne, but because of one particular "hot" item on the list.  The Schwinn Cutter for $379, described as a "Carbon footprint reducer, muscle toner, and fashion statement all in one".  It sparked my interest, solely because the bicycle just absolutely screamed hipster scene and was being marketed to the masses (did you realize that Walmart now sells a fixie... scary!).  I couldn't believe anyone could actually recommend this bicycle as a gift... for not just a sister, but anyone.  I did some quick interweb research on this ride at schwinnbikes.com.  To my jaw dropping amazement, Schwinn has an entire line of bikes built for the hipster crowd, all part of their "Urban" line of bicycles...  makes me want to puke!!!  I remember the good old days when Schwinn used to make some classy old rides like the Stingray, the Fiesta, and the Collegiate, all available in what I would call "basic colors", not these pu*sy pastels that hipsters prefer.  These "Urban" bikes are just too much.  Although I still enjoy collecting classic Schwinns, they may have just made "the list" because they are aiding in the advancement of skinny jean wearing, walk your bike and try to look cool hipster mofos.  If you ever see me on one of these bikes, do me a favor and kick my ass.  As always, I love bicycles, but these fixie assholes bother me.
  
Don't Be That Guy
(Pic poached from "TheThrill of Riding" blog, but I don't think he'll mind, as long as I'm pickin' on hipsters)

1 comment:

WPG said...

I couldn't agree more. The sad thing is that fixed gear bikes have been around without causing too much of a fuss for a long time (and actually do serve a purpose here and there), but the hipster's blatant misuse of the bike coupled with their horrible fashion sense has ruined fixed gear riding for everyone. Bad Hipster!